Going

The last two days have been extremely productive. I feel like each day I gain more momentum. I still haven't managed to create any free time at work, though. The more I get done there, the more I get to work on. That's okay. I'm not gonna complain anymore about my job. At least for now... . I know most of this blog consists of complaints and negativity. Occasionally, I start to go through and delete the old posts (the negative ones. But I always decide to keep them as reminders not to relapse into the funk that I spent so many years in.

Anyway, my main challenge is having to muster up enough energy to work on things when I get home from work. I get up early (5:30am) and work all day until around 4:30pm. I drink coffee all day, but I still get tired. I get about 7 hours of sleep a night, which is definitely enough, but it takes a can or two of beer to fall asleep. I tried drinking a 32oz Rockstar energy drink last week and I felt good for about an hour, but after that I just felt tired and pissed off.

I've done better this week than last week. Still, I think I can get more done and get things moving along faster. I've said before that I'm impatient. I get that from my mom. I want things to happen now. Not later. I want to move back to Indiana ASAP so I can be with my kids, shop at my favorite stores, and finish my B.S. in Computer Science.

On the other hand, things aren't horrible for me down here. Yes, I hate my job, that's a downside. However, there are some good things. My relationship with my kids is still great. We stay in contact by phone or email on almost a daily basis. My relationship with my dad is great. We talk on the phone every night. We never talked this much when I lived close by. In fact, I really feel like I've gotten to know him for the first time ever. We never really just talked like we do now. My house is nice and it's out in the country. The rent is cheap and the landlord stays out our hair. Paducah is okay, not as many racist rednecks like in Benton (and I have to sell office shit to these people!!!).

My mom, on the other hand, has called me about three times in the last six months. That's just how she is though. I can accept that. She's acted weird since all that stuff happened back in August. I don't know if she feels guilty or if she somehow blames me and/or L for what happened. I don't know how she could blame us, but people are strange like that.