Small Changes

I had yet another productive day. I have been getting all kinds of things accomplished. I was so far behind on my Visual Basic projects that I thought I’d never catch up, but I am catching up fast. It’s great. I have learned to balance my schedule. This leaves me with a lot more personal time. Right now I thought I’d work on my blog bfore going in to class.

I love this new computer. It has helped me save time and get more done because now I can get work done anywhere I go. My overall mood has been much better lately and I think I can attribute it to a sense of accomplishment. Not that I’ve done anything major, it just feels good to feel like I’m moving forward again. I haven’t felt like that in a very long time.

I am still working on defining a path for my life. The truth is that I thought I’d have it figured out by now. In the past 10 years, I’ve gone through so many phases. Each time I thought I had my life path all figured out. I could’ve been somewhere by now. That is one of the key factors that caused my depression to get so bad last year. I think that the problem was that I have always been surrounded by negative people (my family). Every time I thought I had a good idea, it was shot down. After so many times, I started to expect things never to work out. Now I am realizing that I can do whatever I want. Just because people tell me I will fail doesn’t mean that I will. And even if I do, at least I’m trying to accomplish something.

What I’ve come up with so far is a list of what I want out of life. It’s not a lot. First of all I want my own home. I am sick of living in apartments. I want to live far away from neighbors. Not right next to them. I also want a new car. A small, cheap, gas efficient vehicle to drive so I won’t have to pay so much for gas anymore.

Most of all, I want to do something for a living that I love. There are people out there that love what they do. They are excited to get up in the morning and go to work. Some of them own their own businesses, some work from home, and some have regular jobs that are dream jobs to them.

I live in an area where dream jobs are scarce if there even are any. Most jobs in Indiana are manufacturing jobs. People go to work, do the same repetitive thing over and over and over, and go home. That’s not for me. Here’s the problem, if I move away to find a wonderful job, I leave my kids behind. If I stay, there’s no work. So the only option is self employment. I have the resources, but I’m having trouble figuring out exactly what it is I want to do. I will continue exploring and maybe I’ll come up with something soon.